原始的同伴感觉
诗人沃尔特·惠特曼在他的华丽诗篇《我为令人兴奋的躯体讴歌》(I Sing the Body Electric )中曾经这样写道:
我已经发觉同那些我喜欢的人在一起就满足了,同别人晚上待在一起就满足了,
被那些美丽的、好奇的、生气勃勃的、欢笑着的肉体所包围就满足了……
我不要求更多的欢乐,我置身于其中就像游泳在海里了,跟男人和女人们亲密地待在一起并望着他们,同他们接触并闻到他们使灵魂十分欢喜的气味,那是很有意思的,一切都能使灵魂欢喜,但这些是最能使灵魂欢喜的了。
单纯的人际接触,特别是充满爱意的交流可以激发人们的活力。亲人和朋友对于我们来说就像一剂灵丹妙药,是我们无穷力量的源泉。父母与孩子之间、爷爷奶奶与孙子孙女之间、情侣之间、夫妻之间或者好朋友之间的积极情感交流,都会对他们产生明显的益处。
神经科学甚至已经可以量化这种同伴关系所带来的益处,因此我们必须更加重视社交生活对于生理状态的影响。人际交流中的情绪传染以及大脑功能所产生的影响都是十分惊人的。
我们还必须重新思考恶性人际交流所产生的影响。我们总是以为,除了导致短暂的恶劣情绪之外,这种交流并不会对我们的生理状态产生任何影响。但是事实已经证明,这种想法只不过是人们的自我安慰罢了。就像与别人接触可能会感染病毒一样,我们也可能会“感染”某种恶劣情绪,它会使我们变得脆弱,或者直接破坏我们的身心健康。
从这种角度来看,就像二手烟会悄悄地损害周围人的肺一样,强烈的恶性情绪,比如厌恶、轻蔑或者怒火的爆发会悄悄损害他们的身心健康。
改善人们的人际环境需要更多积极情绪的输入。
因此,如果我们能够帮助别人达到最佳心理状态,不管他们是偶然邂逅的陌生人,还是我们最亲密的亲人和朋友,我们都是在履行自己的社会责任。与惠特曼类似,一位研究社交性生存价值的科学家也认为,我们得到的全部教训都可以归结为“改善我们的社交关系”。[14]
社交商的完善无疑会大大改变我们的个人生活。与此同时,我们每个人都不可避免地受到所处时代的社会与政治潮流的影响。在20世纪,各民族的分歧与差异日益加大,我们群体性的同理心和同情能力也大打折扣。
在人类漫长的历史长河中,不同群体间由仇恨引发的对抗层出不穷,由于破坏手段的局限性,这种对抗产生的破坏并不是特别严重。但是在20世纪,科学技术和组织能力的发展帮助仇恨爆发出了前所未有的破坏力。就像当时的一位诗人W.H.奥登所尖锐预言的那样:“要么爱,要么毁灭,这是我们无法逃避的选择。”
奥登的诗句精辟地表明,应对尚未释放的仇恨是人类的紧迫任务,但是我们也没有必要消沉。这种紧迫感会提醒人们,21世纪人类面临的最大挑战将是如何扩大“我们”的范围,缩小“它们”的圈子。
社交商这门新科学为我们提供了一个可以慢慢消除这种差异的工具。我们并不一定要接受这种由于历史上的仇恨而引发的“我们和它们”的区分,而是应该求同存异,在对立双方之间架起一座交流沟通的桥梁。毕竟,同样的社交脑会把我们团结在人类共同的基本需要周围。
- On the hedonic treadmill, see Daniel Kahneman et al., “A Survey Method for Characterizing DailyLife Experience: The Day Reconstruction Method,” Science 306 (2004), pp. 1776–80, at 1779.
- The other strong factors in creating unhappiness were being depressed and not sleeping well, bothof which can sometimes be indirect measures of relationships.
- On vibrant relationships, see Ryff and Singer, “The Contours of Positive Human Health,”Psychological Inquiry 9 (1988), pp. 1–28.
- On thingification, see James Gustafson, “G. H. Mead and Martin Buber on the Interpersonal Self,”in Ulric Neisser, ed., The Perceived Self (New York: Cambridge University Press, 1993).
- On perfected social intelligence, see George Herbert Mead, Mind, Self, and Society (Chicago:University of Chicago Press, 1934), p. 310.
- Carl Marci of Massachusetts General Hospital has proposed teaching empathy via the physiologicallogarithm and (working with colleagues at MIT’s Media Lab) has already designed a prototype for apatient-monitoring fanny pack.
- While Bhutan’s king declared this national priority decades ago, only in 2004 did the idea gainenough traction to inspire an international conference, held in Thimbu, the nation’s capital. Proceedingsof an earlier seminar were published in 1999 by the Centre for Bhutan Studies as Gross NationalHappiness: A Set of Discussion Papers (Thimbu, Bhutan).
- One proposal for a measure of national well-being would include in lifesatisfaction factors liketrustworthy and engaging relationships, as a more comprehensive assessment of the consequences ofpublic policy. For the index of social good, see www.neweconomics.org.
- David Myers, The Pursuit of Happiness (New York: William Morrow, 1992).
- Colin Camerer et al., “Neuroeconomics: How Neuroscience Can Inform Economics,”Journal ofEconomic Literature 43 (2005), pp. 9–64.
- Alvin Weinberg was for several decades director of one of America’s largest national nuclearscience laboratories at Oak Ridge, Tennessee, and was also a science policy adviser to two presidents.The lab he directed led the “swords into plowshares” movement, seeking to find peaceful applicationsof nuclear and related technologies—pioneering in nuclear medicine, alternative energy sources, globalclimate studies, genetics and biomedical assays, among other areas. See Alvin Weinberg, Reflectionson Big Science (Cambridge, Mass.: MIT Press, 1967). As it happens, Alvin Weinberg is my uncle.
- On structural violence, see Paul Farmer, Pathologies of Power (Berkeley: University of CaliforniaPress, 2003).
- For information on parent education programs, see, for example, www.families_first.org. Forsocial and emotional learning, including data on the effectiveness of such programs, and their benefitsfor academic achievement, [see www.casel.org].
- Susan Alberts, a Duke University biologist, is quoted in “Social Baboons Make Better Mums,”New Scientist (November 2003).
本书评论